Maybe, when she looks back, she’ll remember all the times in her life that people told her she had heart. That people praised her for it. Said she was an angel. Sacrificial. And she believed them. And she’ll think that’s a big part of the reason for the ego. But she’ll also know that the ego was there before — the ego was there from the start.
She’ll remember that, when she was very young, her mom told her that everyone messes up. That everyone sins — even when they’re not trying to and even when they’re trying not to. And her mom asked: “Do you understand?” And she said: “I know. People sin. Except for me.” And when her mom told her that she would mess up and sin too — that she already had — she cried. She cried for the best reasons and for the worst reasons. She cried because her heart was broken and her self-image was broken, too. Because she thought she deserved to be the exception.